It says what you do. It lists your features. Your visitor left before the second paragraph, because none of it was about them.
One variable changed. Open both pages and feel the difference.
Link or screenshot. No brief, no questionnaire, no strategy call. The page is the brief.
Same structure, same product. The words change. The subject changes. From your product to your reader.
Before and after, side by side. You'll never read your old page the same way.
Your visitor doesn't care what your product does.
They care whether you understand what their Tuesday looks like.
You'll know in the first line.